Cardigan Sorrow

Cardigan Sorrow



you again smells like fart again and it's wrapped around my waist as a song some I win that methane gas gets pushed through the threads with as I call brew coffee and a hint of town coffee he not applause I got a call earlier this week to go down the hopscotch it's a place in rhino where they sell whiskey beer and bacon donut tacos anyway know what they call an IPA an EPA elevated pillion what the hell does that mean hipsters they're like a disease inflicting tortured names and bad facial hair in the world hipster rode his damn giant will bike over my dog penny-farthing what it's called the pony Freddie I don't care what it's called the guy had mutton chops and one of those old-timey giant typewriters stuffed in a messenger bag it cost me over $600 in vet bills we settled at court Bitcoin hipsters hipsters that's the place you mean the one with the guy vaping in the front yard yeah this is I thought we were wearing uniforms now this should be the minimum level of professionalism we should expect you look like an elevator that George Jones threw up in well you look like thank god you're here they're everywhere they won't stop instagramming all the food in my house they're wearing all my scarves and this one says my bacon isn't artisanal enough the upshot is I'm up two bars of handmade soap three actually ma'am you've got a lot of strange people in here why didn't you call the police well they're not really hurting anything my parents are out of town but my dad's a conservative and I don't want him knowing they were ever this many Bernie Sanders supporters in his house okay well let's start a process of elimination figure out why they're here and how to get rid of them let's start with some easy ones have you recently watched any films by Wes Anderson Jim Jarmusch or tell me why is out I don't think so do you want a French press no but I did have Starbucks this morning what percentage of your wardrobe is ironic like that guy it's from an indie movie called Thunderbolt probably never heard of it sequel is a total cash grab though hey what's that over there don't touch it we need to call in a specialist we need to call in the repairman well there's your problem you played cardigan sorrow it's a song from a band so obscure that it summons hipsters from all over the country as far as Portland Maine not Oregon it is said that it is cursed by the moustache DNA of its creator unchecked the hipsters would remain here forever so how do we get rid of them oh the b-side is like hipster antimatter it's nothing but Amy Grant covers so just play it whenever you want to believe thanks to him and you're a lifesaver well you're lucky I was in the neighborhood there's been a lot of hi-fi problems in the low hi Truman doo-dah hipster removal specialist and outmoded electronics repairman call me anytime in the doo-dah day baby baby baby even baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby oh and you look like something a cat would bury baby I don't even like Amy Grant ironically

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