How To Dress Modestly ~ Wrapunzel

How To Dress Modestly ~ Wrapunzel

Hi! I’m going to talk to you a little bit
today about modest dressing, and some ideas that we can all take to heart, no
matter if we are Torah observant Jews, or secular, or any other religion. Some ideas
that we can all take to heart, and some parameters that we can use, that will
help us choose what clothing we put on our body so that our clothing represents
our true inner selves. And that’s kind of, it’s an interesting paradox, that I want
my outside to reflect what’s inside. And this is the world that we live in today.
We live in a physical world, where upon when I meet someone, I’m going to see, as
much as I try to see their soul, I’m going to see their outside before I get
to know their inside and their inner essence. So what we choose to put on our
bodies is very important, because it does say something about who we are. And once
we take that responsibility to say that I’m going to put something on me that
represents who I really am, then a whole world of opportunity opens up to us. But,
this can be a very big thing to take on and it’s very scary, and it’s very
complicated, and it makes shopping for clothing difficult. So I’m going to share
with you a bit about my journey, and how I choose my clothing, and I’m going to
give you some ideas on some things that might help you in your journey in
discovering how your clothing can represent who you really are. So, I am a
Torah observant Jew, so that’s the perspective that I’m coming from, and
those are the parameters that I put on myself. However, I’m going to just give
you some ideas that can are definitely applicable for anyone. So, the first step
that one needs to take is to create some rules, create some limits. And that’s
going to be different for everyone. For someone it might mean just not showing
cleavage, for someone it might mean loose pants, for someone it might mean a
turtleneck covering her neck completely, it’s going to be different for everyone.
But you do have to decide on those bottom-line laws, those things that are
not bendable. For me personally it means that my elbows are covered, my collarbone
is covered, and my knees are covered. Those are the laws
that I follow. And that basically means that even if something is very, very
modest but it comes above my elbow? Not going to go there. Even if it’s very, very
loose, and flowy, and modest, but it shows my collarbone? I’m not going to wear it,
unless I have something underneath. The reason why we need to have those laws,
those um, those limits, is because once you start bending, and once you start going
around things, and really, like, you’re kind of left with nothing. And I think a
lot of us know this in other areas of our life. Like unless I have a strict bedtime,
or a strict time that I spend with my husband, then there’s going to be always
something comes up, always something new, and in the end you’re kind of left with
nothing. So, I would suggest that as a first step, decide on what your limits are. For
those of us that might feel that our collar bones are very, are sexy, then that
might mean covering your collar bones, but not necessarily covering your elbows.
Like just really, really create those limits for yourself, and that is going to
be, for those of you that don’t follow Halachic law, or that aren’t Torah Observant Jews, or don’t have a religious guideline to to go by, that’s going to be something
personal that you really, really have to ask yourself. But come up with those, and
make those your rules. Now beyond that, yes there’s a beyond that, because once
you decide on those rules, let’s say for me, who covers collar bones, elbows, and
knees I can wear a nude colored, skin- tight dress that color, covers my
collarbones, elbows, and knees, and it would look extremely, extremely
scandalous. If it was, you can imagine, a nude-colored, skin-tight dress.
So obviously, I’m not going to wear that, because that’s not modest. So. How do I
make those decisions? So, this is something very important, because I have
my, my letter of the law, and obviously um, sorry, I forgot to include that
beyond covering those things, that I mentioned, it includes covering my hair.
However for me, for me personally, that haircovering can include a wig, it can
also include showing a little bit of hair at the front. So why am i coming
here to you today wearing a head covering that’s obviously not
a wig, and not shown here at the front? Why is that? So. Beyond those parameters
that you set, or that have been set for you, as women, we have been given a
tremendous script from our Creator, and that is something called “binah.” It’s
loosely translated in English as woman’s inst, “woman’s instinct,” or “wisdom.” And that’s
something that’s very special to you as a woman, that every single woman has,and
it’s a gift. And that’s your deep intuition, your deep
gut feeling. And we as women, especially when it comes to dressing and what we
put on ourselves, we know, we really, really know. When we turn off all those
voices saying, those voices saying ‘Oh, you look so great! You look so sexy. Work it,
girl.’ When you turn off all those voices and
ask yourself, ‘Is this really who I am?,’ you’re going to know, you’re really,
really going to know the answer to it yourself. So for me personally, when I put
on, let’s say, a long wig with curly hair, that’s not going to work for me. Because
I know, even though I look amazing, I know that’s not who I am, and that’s not, well,
it is who I am, but who I am, you know, behind closed doors. That long
wig with curly hair is not who I want to bring to the world. It’s not the woman
who I want to be. On someone else? That’s really not my call. That’s not my call. I
can see what’s going to work, what’s going to work for me, but on someone else that’s
not her call, not my call to say. When I cover my hair like this, when I cover my
hair with a tichel, that is who I want to bring to the world. However, I also
have put on tichels on myself that don’t feel modest. They feel like too
much. They’re too sparkly, too ostentatious. I once tried on something that had, like,
a little bit of fringe at the side, and no. It wasn’t what I wanted to be, it
wasn’t who I am, it wasn’t the person that I want to bring to the world.
For me, and this is something I think a lot of women can take to heart,
if I’m putting on my makeup and getting ready, and if I’m winking at myself in
the mirror, if I’m looking at myself like this, and I’m just a little, little, too, too
show-offy in my body movement when I’m putting on my outfit? For me that’s a
clear, clear sign that what I’m wearing is not modest. Feel beautiful, yes. Feel
gorgeous. Feel like a Kiddush Hashem. Feel
like a light. Feel wonderful, like you want to move, like you want to dance, all
those things. Those are things that I want to feel what I’m getting dressed,
however, winking at myself? No. That’s one, when I’m winking at myself in the mirror,
that I have to put that away, and I’m, I give it to someone else, because it’s
either too tight ,or it’s too something. It’s something that is not who I want to
be. So, that’s my message that I really want to give. That first you have to
create those boundaries. Those boundaries are very important. But beyond those
boundaries, that’s what when we really, really have to get in touch with our inner
voice. Our inner voice that we really ask ourselves every single day, “Is this
clothing, is this thing that I’m covering myself with revealing who I really am to
the world?’ And who do I want to reveal to the world? So I hope this, you can take
this home. This also goes for certain kinds of colors, you know from, you know
what might be bright, and beautiful, and shiny on me might be too much for
someone else. And it might be not enough for some, or another person. I wore this
scarf on purpose, because you know it’s nice, and bright, and it’s very, very
Andrea in terms of the rust color and the teal. However on someone else,
someone else might need more volume to really, really bring out her personality.
And someone else might need more subdued, darker colors. Someone might need a wig.
Someone might need something else. On me, this is just right. So. This is pretty
hard. It is pretty hard to go through your closet and get rid of all those
things that are just, that you either feel a little too good in, or that they
don’t make you feel good. It’s really but, it is a very liberating experience. You
want, when you open your closet doors, to feel good about your choices. To know
that those choices represent who you are, and are going to help you be the woman
that you need to be. So that’s my message for
today. Very, very simple. Get in touch with your inner instinct,
and your inner voice. Because beyond the letter of l-, of the law, we have a lot
of choices. You know, we try at Wrapunzel to show you all these different ways of
wrapping, all these different ways of dressing, depending on your style and
personality, and the day that you have, but really, you have to talk to yourself,
and really get in touch with yourself, and ask yourself, ‘Who do I want to be?’ So
that, you know, and that the message that I get, that people say, like where do you, ‘Where
do you stop? Where are you limits?’ If I am winking at myself, or doing a kissy-face
or, like, doing model poses in the mirror, then I know that something about either
what I’m wearing, or my mood for the day, something is off,
and something is not going to go well. So that’s just for me personally. For someone else, you know, it might be something totally different
that she’s putting on that’s causing that reaction. But it’s a very good
indicator for me, and it’s a very good barometer that I often tell people that,
you know, when you’re doing that, then maybe you have to really ask yourself,
“What are my reasons for wearing this today?’ And, ‘Am I using this feeling sexy,
and all this stuff, to fill some sort of void?’ Because we shouldn’t need that sort
of outside verification that w’ere beautiful.
We should really, really feel internally that we are beautiful. Okay? I hope you
enjoy this video. Please let me know if you have any questions. Again, this is one
of those videos that is something I say in my day-to-day life, when I talk to
people, but I realized I’ve never actually made an official video saying
this. So please let me know if you have any questions, and what you think. Okay?
Bye bye.

75 Replies to “How To Dress Modestly ~ Wrapunzel”

  1. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one out there in the world that has winked at myself in the mirror before (haven't done that for a long time either………..and think it is because I've stepped up greately how modest I dress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)…………….there was days I pretty well went on a date with myself while standing in front of the mirror hahahahahhahah for reals though : )

  2. You are right about the  posing and winking, etc….doing that sort of posing is indicative of being over the top with yourself for the world. Time to tone down and be not a vixen but a gracious lady…don't you agree?

  3. Love, love, love this video! Boundaries are so important – not just in the way you dress, but in life in general. My boundaries have definitely changed as I've gotten older. I would never wear today things I had no problem with when I was younger. I guess with age comes wisdom!

  4. Very beautifully said on such a delicate subject for so many. Do you know of any online stores that sell tops with higher necklines for larger women? I suppose I could go to a local store, but most tops for women have lower cuts and the alternative is men's t-shirts which i don't appreciate as I like to look more feminine.

  5. Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm a Christian but I don't cover because of any particular doctrine. (There is a verse in the New Testament in 1 Corinthians that mentions head covering, but that is a widely debated topic amongst Christians and many Christians today do not cover.) I cover my head and body because I want to be defined by something other than those things. I have really frizzy, thick hair (like Merida in Brave) and in high school I was teased by other kids in my church youth group because my hair wasn't straight. I spent so much time and money straightening it. But I got so tired of doing that, and i realized that that isn't what church and life are supposed to be about.

    As for modesty guidelines, I don't show my shoulders, cleavage, or knees. I will wear pants or leggings if my bum is covered by a tunic sweater or top. I have health issues that make me very sensitive to extreme temperatures so I've had to factor that in. Someone else might be offended that i will wear short sleeves, but I figure it's better to offend someone than to pass out because I'm too hot!

  6. LIKEX10. I recently was able to get a new wardrobe (after like 15 yrs of savers smhl) and it mostly consisted of maxi skirts and long sleeves. The long sleeves because I live in the desert, drive a jeep and sunburn easily. The comment you made about about feeling like dancing in your clothes is exactly how I feel in my long skirts. Usually I'd look like a field worker in leftover cargo pants and old mens shirts. I'll wear some shorts to sleep in, and still have a few pairs of pants in the closet, but I can't see them coming out unless I have some serious pole digging and fencing to do.

  7. Love this video & totally agree! I am a Torah observant believer in Yahshua & have felt led to cover my hair after doing much study on the subject. I am hoping to find styles of covering that are complimentary to my face & age (53). The tight around the face styles draw too much attention to my (starting to sag) jawline & older neck but they are perfect for most women! Wish I had found these styles when I was in my 30's as they are modest & beautiful!

  8. Great video! I really liked the way you spoke about figuring out personal limits and deciding whether your clothing and appearance portray to the world who you really are. I've definitely had days where I felt uncomfortable in my clothing even when it "met" all of my guidelines and I couldn't really figure out why. Thank you for this message!

  9. Love this video!! I am not religious, tho I do call myself Pagan as it's something I feel fits me the best!! I am thinking of covering my hair and dressing modestly mainly for me. I am looking to get back choice. By this mean I had a baby girl 6 months ago it was traumatic as I ended up having an emergancy c section, not what I'd planned and I had to have others make my choices for me! So I feel I need to get back a bit of me and the control I wasn't able to have!!

  10. its such a great video, im getting close to hashem and I dont have a women guide with experience and im so happy to found your videos 🙂 thank you

  11. Andrea, I'm underage, and my parents don't always let me dress the way I believe is right for me modest-wise. When they do, they often tease me. What should I do?

  12. I think the best thing I invested in when I started covering, crop tops!
    you can get long sleeved, mid length, or t shirt style. I bought crop tops because it meant I didn't have a double layer of fabric on my bad on stomach so didn't boil in the heat!
    it also meant I could spent £20 on a few crop tops from eBay, and not have to throw out and buy a load of clothes!
    you can also cut long sleeved/t shirts, to just under your bra line if you have them around or find them cheaper than crop tops. you can still carrying on wearing your clothes but stay modest. x

  13. Shalom! I am torah observant messianic jew ( I am new in this, that is called baal teshuva ) and I thank you sister for your lovely videos.

  14. Thank you so much for explaining this "standard" we women can live by, that is honoring to our Creator, and respectful to the world around us. As a Torah observant woman who considers herself grafted in, this was very helpful.

  15. I really like these videos where you speak from your heart about why you dress or wrap a tichel in order to be you. honestly I wish I had learned from you when I was so much younger it may have kept me from a life of sadness. however, you inspire me to start being me at 58 years old. that is not an easy thing to do since teaching old dogs new tricks is a challenge. you do inspire me to try, though.

  16. Beautifully saidI live in Phoenix Az. where the weather is brutally hot in the summers, and it is so hard to find something that covers my arms.

  17. Shalom. <3 I am a Muslim, and your videos are really inspiring. I feel like seeing the whole modesty issue in a new light. Thank you. 🙂

  18. I am Torah observant Yeshua believer and I have been covering my head for the past three years, now I can not get out of my house without my head being covered…. Thank you for all of your tutorials. love them…

  19. You have such a beautiful and loving spirit! I really enjoy the perspective you share in these types of videos.

  20. Very good way of putting it, it is a perfect place to start. And as people learn and grow (like in our church people are at all different levels of learning and understanding of Yeshua) they will come back to the basics and perhaps meditate on them and make new decisions. Modesty makes me feel very feminine and I've noticed men act more gentlemanly around me instead of rudely. I also feel content.

  21. Wrapunzel truly is a remarkable resource, and I want to thank all of those involved with this project; by watching the videos I have learned a great deal which has helped me in everyday life.

    Watching this, I feel sad, though… I recently lost nearly all of my clothing (after finally obtaining enough to create an actual modest wardrobe) and am struggling to find the money to get new ones.

    It's frustrating, because while I can still cover my head, it seems almost pointless to do so when wearing trousers and short sleeves… Plus, it feels awfully uncomfortable, as if I'm wearing next to nothing.

  22. You are a very wise woman. Thank you so much for sharing your walk with us. I've always loved covering my hair, although I wasn't brought up in a culture that promotes headcovering. This is an area I'm currently studying in light of the Scriptures. It gives me so much joy to learn from your journey! May the Almighty bless you tremendously. Shalom

  23. Thank you soooooo muccchhhh for your kind words when you spoke about "… oh girl you look so sexy …." you have no idea until now how your words touched my soul !!!! That's why I'm desperate to dress modestly because you spoke the language of my dear and soften heart ! Thank you, I humbly say ! Thank you !

  24. I have always had short hair. I consider myself a "short hair girl". Its easier and suits me but for the past few years I keep revisiting these verses and the idea of hard covering and modesty. My husband.d loves my hair short. In fact I grew it to my shoulders and just recently cut it because he didn't like it that long. I'm in a pickle.

  25. I've been convicted on some of my wardrobe for several months now. I've cleared much of it out already, but I feel overwhelmed in trying to replace it all. After watching this, I feel I'm ready to just let those things I'm holding on to go. (AKA="skinny jeans")😃

  26. Appreciate you explaining modesty according to Torah – have sensitivity to wigs ,nylon and wool – tichels are just great to do -really like this video – Todah .Torah observant Jewish woman .

  27. You are absolutely right about the attitude we create within ourselves by our appearance…we are to be humble and not proud.

  28. I'm a pagan teenager, and I have always loved modest clothing, I created my boundaries when I was about 14, Almost everything I wear cover my ankles, I try to keep my cleavage covered and as of recently I have been trying to keep everything to my wrists, and I keep my hair covered as well. I have never felt so confident in my life. I feel beautiful, I feel creative, I feel focused and I feel calm etc in my veils, over all I know some people are empowered by shorts and crop tops and high heeled shoes but I am empowered by floor length dresses and skirts and warm wrist length shirts and flowy headscarves. I feel like I am showing dedication to the higher power I believe in and I feel beautiful, I think that as a teenager my job is not to be sexy, my job is to work on building the person I want to be and building my future, and I feel like modestly dressing is a thing that helps me focus, I feel beautiful and I am physically comfortable. I love your channel overall I have been a fan of it for quite some time and I adore this video, Sending lots of love and Blessings to you <3

  29. The Lord is so Good! I was Just thinking how fun it would be to hear your thoughts on modesty.. and here is this video when I was searching for a different subject all together! 🙂

  30. I am a Torah observant follower of Yeshua and just starting to learn about head covering. I have ordered from Wrapunzel and am awaiting my goodies! Do you fully cover your hair based on tradition? I am not aware of Torah saying to cover all hair!

  31. I love this video, your right, what u put on does reflect who you are. Also you are a very beautiful woman, you said that as a woman we have to ask ourself is this who I am when deciding what to wear, does that apply to makeup? Is makeup modest or is it telling our creator "you made a mistake, my lips are supposed to be red or pink, my eye brows are supposed to be thinner, I have to fix your mistakes with makeup"

  32. this is such an encouraging video! thank you, Andrea. as noahide, I find it can be even more important to set boundaries, since I don't live in community where modestly is a norm. even before my family began our noahide path, I had convictions about modesty, but over time I have found myself getting lax. no longer was I making sure my collarbone was covered, no longer was I being careful to make sure my shirt wasn't see through, etc. recently, though, my dad and I have begun attending a conservative shul on shabbat, and when I did I was appalled to discover how few of my shirts were appropriate. I'm finding now that "would I wear this to shul?" helps me keep to my guidelines so much better, and when I'm shopping I am specifically making sure that I would be willing to wear anything I'm buying to shul. anyway, I just wanted to thank you for this video, which I happen to be watching right when I need it the most. Baruch HaShem. shalom to you and may you be blessed for everything you are doing in the community you have made.

  33. I know this is not your focus, but my family is becoming more frum and I have two boys. I haven't found anything on Jewish modesty for men and boys. This isn't trolling, I was wondering if you could address this. Maybe have hubby weigh in? Thanks so much!

  34. I've always loved to dress modestly because I think it is beautiful . I've recently began to cover my head because it is more of a spiritual calling. I love your wrap tutorials and I love this video. Thank you so much for sharing your insight on this topic with the wrapunzel community. God bless you always.

  35. Where do you buy your clothes from? Or do you make your own clothes? My wardrobe is more modest than it was several years ago, but it's not where I want it to be yet. My family is on a tight budget, and I spend very little on clothing for myself. (I shop at a consignment store twice a year and get only a few new items.) What are your recommendations for acquiring new, modest clothing on a limited budget? I have a sewing machine, but have not learned how to make my own clothes.

  36. love this video. I only recently started dressing modestly and this was such great information and help. when you said we know deep down if how were dressing is who we are that really resonated with me thank you

  37. Good morning, it's funny I should come upon this particular video today as I just started toning down my "make up" routine, in fact, some foundation, a little mascara and some blush and I'm not "winking" at myself anymore, just looking pure and beautiful. God sees us as beautiful, what we are on the inside is what we reflect on the outside. Thank you for this video, mush appreciated.

  38. Being raised as a Yeshua believer modesty has always been important to me, even when mocked publicly. For me I wear a tichel mostly and various hats, sleeves must come to the top of my elbow at minimum but I prefer to my wrists and my dresses/skirts always come to my ankles. If out hiking or playing sports skirts must be below my knees with leggings underneath. No cleavage is allowed to show at all and at lowest shows my collarbone. I appreciate modesty in every aspect, and I love how you touch on the difference between winking vs feeling beautiful, so overlooked by many.

  39. Bondage.
    He who the son sets free shall be free indeed.
    Self righteousness.
    Christ Jesus fulfilled the law.
    Being modest comes naturally when we are in Christ, no need to wear a headwrap.
    If you follow one law, then you must follow ALL! IMPOSSIBLE. you cannot hand pick which ones you follow. Read the New Testament also.
    Our righteousness comes from Christ otherwise its striving, bondage. Does the pattern attract, or color? Nonsense.

  40. Your earrings are flashy, looks like a gypsy. This is opinion, as is what you seem modest. It's not relationship it's a religious Spirit. Look up signs of a religious Spirit before you get in this trap.

  41. Thank you so much. At 66 for all these years I have rarely feel like myself when I've dressed. It seems you have freed me. I can cover my hair I can be different. I don't wear dresses because I'm very very huge and then I look like I'm wearing a tent. Oh what can I do? Years ago I wore long flowy dresses with slacks under. Now what?

  42. Thank you for the video. I'm converting to Judaism and nowadays I've had a year of more focus on school than religion. This summer I want to get my religious focus back, but I find it hard to really get there. I feel like the world makes me insecure about myself, and makes me think that I'm not taking care of myself if I don't shave or makeup and all that! I used to not care and the hair on our bodies is natural, but again.. everyone can do what they want with it. But why do I want to shave? Can you make a video about these things? Also, I'm not married so I can't cover…. or can I? I miss it, at the same time I'm not used to covering. (Was married before and had a period of using head covering even though I wasn't jewish)…. can you also make a video about covering and modesty as a non-married woman? Thanks.

  43. Love this as a Christian I'm on a deeper journey I've recently started doing head covering and trying to dress more modest I love the videos

  44. i can see why sometimes troubles can be blessings, i was born with a heart condition that meant many surgeries and scars up my chest and also being naturally sort of conservative and prudent i have therefore always kept my tshirts modest, with the shirt collars always being at or above my collar bones. ive always worn pants tho and am looking to start attending an orthodox christian church and im gonna have to learn to adopt skirts/dresses and head coverings at least for services.

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