How To Dress Up When Others Don’t & How To Deal With Haters or Negativity – Gentleman’s Gazette

How To Dress Up When Others Don’t & How To Deal With Haters or Negativity – Gentleman’s Gazette


Welcome back to the Gentleman’s Gazette! In today’s video we discuss how to dress up
when others don’t and I’ll share with you my seven tips on how to deal with people who
question you about the way you dress. If you like classic style then wanting to
dress up when others don’t happens to you all the time. Recently the viewer Amir left a comment on
our video Things I Get the Most Compliments On. Raphael, I’ve been upgrading my style. I used to wear graphic tees, ripped jeans
and sneakers and now I wear untucked casual button-ups, dark wash jeans or chinos and
chukka boots. However I still don’t feel satisfied with
my current style. The thing is that people around here never
dress up. Is there anything wrong with dressing up all
the time even to the most casual of occasions? I’m really scared of this step. Amir, I can totally sympathize with you. You want to dress up and put your best foot
forward yet there are others who question your motives maybe think you’re better than
them and it may even be vocal towards you about it. I’m often the most dressed up person in a
room and it inevitably will catch some attention. People ask me what the occasion is and I just
say it’s Tuesday simply because that’s the way I like to dress. Recently my wife and I went out for dinner
in a new hip restaurant in town and of course we wear nice clothes. So the waiter asked, “Oh where are you headed?”
and we just said, “Here!” And she was really surprised because otherwise
people just don’t dress up as much just to go out for dinner. Dressing up will always make you stand out
and it really pays to know how to deal with the positive aspects as well as the negative
ones. If you haven’t already done so I suggest you
watch the 101 Things That Change When You Dress Up because we cover mostly positive
things but also some negative ones. The paradox on style is that many people care
about it for different reasons. Usually it falls within a spectrum of people
dressing for themselves or people dressing purely for others. In any case clothes and accessories are something
you wear directly in your body and because of that it immediately becomes part of your
visual identity. So to start you should ask yourself, “Am I
dressing for myself or do I dress to impress others?” Being inappropriately attired can be a form
of disrespect or it can be seen as a cry for attention. At the same time dressing to fit in can mean
that you’re indifferent about your outward appearance or that you simply want to be invisible
among a group of many. Here is my approach to this. If you want to dress up – Do it, enjoy it
and own it! There’s really nothing wrong with it and I’ve
been doing it for over 20 years and the benefits far outweigh the negatives. Yes, there will always be someone who has
to say something negative about you or the way you dress but you just have to deal with
it. Some of them may feel threatened when they
judge you or they elevate themselves above you and think they’re superior to you. Just look at YouTube comments for example. No matter what I or anyone else produces there
will always be someone who has something really negative to say about your approach and how
you do it. At the same time they don’t go out and produce
a better video they just criticize you. Rather than being impacted by the haters I
focus on the comments of the people with constructive criticism, questions or simple observations
so we can do videos like this. So all this may be easier said than done. Now here are the 7 tips I use specifically
to deal with issues that arise from dressing well in everyday situations. One, whenever you dress appropriateness is
a very important consideration. For example at a wedding you never want to
out dress the bride and the groom because it’s their day. At the same time if you go to a funeral a
burgundy or red flannel suit will simply detract from the event and it would be inappropriate. When there’s a dress code indicated such as
cocktail attire you should not wear black tie because that would be obviously overdressed. To learn more about specific dress codes and
what they mean so you can dress appropriately please check out this video here. Two, if there isn’t a dress code consider
how much flexibility there is. For example when you’re in a plane you see
people wearing sweatpants or a suit so whatever you feel comfortable with works. On the other hand, if you’re in a business
meeting and you’re not the boss the dress code can be pretty much stipulated without
being written down. In that case consider the company culture. There’s nothing worse than wearing a three-piece
suit in a startup company that simply wears jeans and t-shirts all the time. It makes you look odd and stand out in a weird
way. If you’re in a social event with friends you
should truly be able to wear whatever you want and whatever you are comfortable with
and whatever you’re supported by. If it’s a more casual outing it’s okay to
be more casual. This weekend I went to a brewery and I just
wore a regular dress shirt with a knit tie and a nice knit cardigan. Three, dress to please yourself. Think of dressing as your hobby and it’s something
that you enjoy. It’s about you and what you like to do not
about others. Four, learn how to accept a compliment graciously
because otherwise you may come off like an arrogant prick. When you dress up more compliments will be
coming your way and we did a video on how to accept it like a gentleman here. Five, it’s very important to have a comeback
ready. If you’re asked why you’re dressed up have
a few answers prepared that you can give right away so you don’t have to engage in lengthy
conversations, shut the conversation down and simply go about your way. By having an appropriate comeback you exude
confidence most other people will just leave it at that and won’t bother you again. It’s important that a response should never
be defensive or mean. Saying things like because “I’m not a peasant”
or “I wasn’t raised by wolves” will always be kind of offensive to people and it automatically
reflects on them which will just draw you into a longer argument and it’s just a pain. That aside as a gentleman you never go down
under a level and to learn more about What It Means To Be A Gentleman Today, please check
out this video here. Ideally you shouldn’t go down the rabbit hole
of explaining. It’s the same politics if you start explaining
you’re losing. Aggressive or negative people want to engage
you in a fight, want to drag you down to their level, and then they beat you with experience
so don’t do that. The best comebacks are short and sweet. “What did you dress up for today?” “It’s Thursday!” Or if you want to be snarky you could say
something like “Adulthood.” But again that may be seen as offensive. “Why you look so fancy?” “Why not?” “Why are you so well-dressed?” “Because I know how to.” “Do you think you’re better than us?” “No, dressing up is just my hobby.” The sooner you’ll accept that judgment will
always be around the easier it gets to focus on what you truly want. Six, the single biggest secrets to dressing
up when others don’t is to not care what others think of you. Personally I’d say it comes very naturally
to me and being on YouTube and being exposed and having that negativity around me just
helped me to develop an even thicker skin. There’s a good saying along the lines of “What
other people think of you is none of your business” and I pretty much agree with that. People-pleasing, approval addiction or the
fear of rejection will always be in the way of what you truly want for yourself. If you care a lot what other people think
of you, you may want to look into the book The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck. You can find a link to it on our website here. Last but not the least, be authentic because
that provides you with confidence and people who are confident are perceived in a much
different way. Fewer people will want to argue with you and
they will accept you as who you are. So in today’s outfit I’m wearing a rather
bold ensemble. It is a classic boat club blazer with bold
stripes. I even have pants for it as a suit so it’s
definitely a statement piece. I bought it vintage because I liked it and
in this combination I’m wearing it with a solid light blue shirt with a silk jacquard
tie with small polka dots from Fort Belvedere which you can find in our shop here. The shoes are burgundy red double monk straps
which go well with my tie and I chose socks in Burgundy and off-white which tie my khakis
and my shoes quite well together. Because my blazer is so bold, I opted for
a simple light blue pocket square with burgundy red embroidery which works well with my tie,
my shoes, my belt, my socks and so the whole outfit is tied together. Likewise my ring is a red carnelian which
goes with a red theme. It’s in silver which goes with the buckles
of my belt as well as my shoes. Next to me you can see a brown fur coat which
for many people is over the top but I live in Minnesota where winters get really cold
and I love to wear a warm overcoat. If you enjoyed this video give us a thumbs
up, hit that little bell and subscribe so stuff like this comes right to your inbox.

100 Replies to “How To Dress Up When Others Don’t & How To Deal With Haters or Negativity – Gentleman’s Gazette”

  1. This may not be a good response, but when someone asks why I'm dressed up at school I respond with something along the lines of "I want to become a college professor, so I'm going to dress up like one" It gets some funny reactions.

  2. Love your work. That said, dressing up in cold climates is relatively easy and many don't live in cold climates, so my topic suggestion is: "How to Dress Up in the Sub-Tropics and the Tropics" ?

  3. This video made me subscribe, when i saw it for the 1st time. Keep the style and we hope this good way of dressing stays in younger generations.

  4. I wear cowboy boots a wide variety of shades of blue on my jeans and nice hoodie from American eagle or Ambercrombie now I got a couple pair of khaki paints and a pair of dress shoes and a few button ups I also got a blazer out fit for funerals graduations or anytime I need something of that calibre I go to a high school in Kentucky

  5. I appreciate your tips and your mind frame. Many people make lots of money but class…. Class cannot be bought. Dress well, hold yourself to a high standard and always try to become a better person.

  6. I love dressing up but more and more I seem to dress down in order not to offend. I hate it. Affairs that were originally rather classy have succumbed to the ubiquitous blue jeans. And nobody shines their shoes anymore. It is ignorance. People just don't know how to dress and resent being told so and they look like bums.

  7. Q: Why are you dressed up?
    A: The same reason you are not.
    Q: What's that?
    A: It's the way I was raised.

  8. Okay. Anybody who reads this, I would appreciate if I could get some advice. I am a student in his third year of college, currently seeking a business (accounting) internship. Yesterday, I interviewed with a small accounting firm. The interview went incredibly well, and it is a place I would love to work at. However, there is but one problem. It is far too casual for a professional work environment. I wore a charcoal grey suit, white button-down collar shirt, navy blue wool rep tie, black shoes, and a white pocket square in a tv fold. On a typical day, I love to wear chinos and tucked in collared shirts. I love ties, and wear them every Sunday for church, and occasionally for exams. I attend a large public university, so it is not common to dress how I do, I just love dressing well. That said, one of the gentlemen interviewing me yesterday was wearing a t-shirt. And this man was a partner in the company! It is a place I would love to work. I'm just worried that if I do end up with a job there, I would be out of place. One of the things I'm looking forward to about a job in the business/accounting field is the ability to dress up every day. Does anybody have any tips?

  9. I really appreciate these videos of yours. I have this same problem as a woman who prefers to ‘dress up’. It’s more like dressy casual or jeans with nice shoes, shirts, jackets and accessories. People criticize me a lot, I say ‘we dress like that in our family’ or my mother and my sisters do and my late grandmothers. Or I say ‘you think jeans are dressing up’? I care about my appearance.

    I appreciate seeing a well dressed gentleman. My husband takes a reasonable approach to dressing, although I would prefer more dressed up than he does. It’s ok though. As long as he doesn’t wear his what I call ‘Robin Hood sweat pants’ out in public… he’s done that once or twice. Yikes!! I pretended I wasn’t with him. Lol we’ve been married 25 years this year, but I don’t want him to look like he got pulled through a hedge backwards.

  10. I dress up everyday no matter the occasion and I get all of these comments but I don’t let it affect me because I know I look good when many others give a sloppy apprentice

  11. I always say when people ask why I dress like I do. I say “because I need to dress in trash clothes for work” and if they ask what clothes I wear to work I’m happy to say I have to wear a dirty high visibility shirt and work boots

  12. In Greece, when someone dresses up too much, he is told "Why are you dressed like a groom?"(in a bad way) and other things like that. Once, my friends called me "groom" for almost two months because I was almost always dressed up more than them when we were hanging out.

    And the thing is, I was just wearing jeans and a hoodie😂😂

  13. I find that Tennessee Tuxedo to be appropriate for most occasions. It consist of a good pair of overalls, white shirt and tie, a nice tweed jacket, Fedora, and cleaned and well oiled boots.

  14. What makes this channel so successful (obviously amongst other things, but this one stands out to me) is your attitude and your class. You just seem like a genuinly good person.

  15. I used to hate wearing suits. Now, I look for reasons to wear a suit. Being from the Southern United States, not many people do unless they are a business man, going to church or a formal affair. May make it a hobby. I need that book though. 😂

  16. see i love the video but i am tatted up and i show my tats proudly cause if it's on m body it has great meaning so why is there an X on it you said that some people are judging you because of how you dress you are but yet you're doing the same by putting an X on a guy that is fit and is tatted???? maybe i am missing something and if i am tell me what it is i am missing but i am just wanting to know is why say this is not right but this is idk let me know

  17. How do I deal with my girlfriend? She told me, " I don't like your style" I recently got into classic gentleman's style. I learned a lot from you and I continue to learn from you. I have over 15 suits bought over the rack then tailored to fit well. Anyways, my style has changed. I'd like to ask you how you can deal with your girlfriend/significant other gracefully who doesn't have a nice thing to say about your new found style ?

  18. I have never experienced haters or negativity. Your style of dress communicates with people. I take dance classes on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. I wear a white dress shirt and slacks as well as dance shoes. Other people come in sweat clothes/blue jeans and sneakers. When I go to a dance like Argentine tango, I wear a tuxedo. Normally, I wear workout shorts/ratty shoes and a tee-shirt. On Thursday, I went to an important lecture as a member of the audience. I wore a white dress shirt, slacks and decent shoes. Most of the people dressed like they had just finished working in the garden. On Tuesday, I am meeting with a lawyer and will wear a suit I commissioned from my tailor in San Marino and a new pair of Alan Edmonds oxford shoes. No, I am not a multimillionaire, just conscious of the impression that I make.

  19. I dress for success; not for the herd. When you make a point of wearing appropriate clothes, you make a strong impression. If you make a point of dressing up when being around people, you will always have appropriate clothes in your wardrobe. Normally, I wear workout shorts, damaged athletic shoes and a sleeveless t-shirt. Now, what I otherwise do. On Thursday, I went to a lecture by a lawyer, most people looked like they wore the same clothes gardening earlier in the day at home. I wore a white dress shirt, slacks and decent shoes. I take dance classes on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Most people come in sweats and sneakers. I wear a white dress shirt, slacks and dance shoes. Whenever I go to a dance, I wear a tuxedo and take along a top hat. I have seen guys at the same dance wearing blue jeans. I will meet with the lawyer on Tuesday morning. I will wear a custom made suit made by my tailor in San Marino and wear a new pair of Alan Edmond oxfords.

  20. I am absolutely LOVING the outfit today
    I’ve been wanting a boating club blazer since pretty much when I started dressing up

  21. "what if my ex wife comes in right now?, I have to show her Im doing amazing, thats why I dress up"(secretly diying of lonelyness)

  22. I like to go out on Saturday nights for a fancy dinner with my 3 piece Italian suit on, after bar fighting on Friday and having a couple of black eyes. I find it comical the contrast of my beat-up face and my fancy Italian suit it gets a lot of funny looks from people.

  23. I agree with the dressing up thing, but there’s a difference between dressing well and looking too old fashioned. I believe that most of your outfits make you look old and out of style. That said, of course I don’t want to offend and I agree with your ideas, just not really with the style…

  24. Personally, I think it's a bit gauche to overdress for casual events. No judgements, but I do think an easy to way to be more socially graceful is to dress for the event.

  25. If you think you will be appreciated by what you have rather than what you are, find the best dress.

  26. I understand and Respekt dressing up. But i am a metalhead so i have to follow my own dressing orders

  27. Within Investment banking, one of the last well-dressed industry, monk straps are only worn by back-office. They don’t look bad to my eye but then some people may think the same about flip flops.

  28. I’m changing how I dress at work: from casual to business casual. Outside of work I like to wear many different fashions and styles: from punk rock to very formal. I’m eclectic, I guess.

  29. I dress like an adult White person. I bought my wife some nice clothes (from Torrid) after she lost quite a bit of her wardrobe and I was tired of wearing thrift store track pants that don't fit me well. They're okay for sleeping in and bumming around the house (and if they fall off me, I won't get an indecent exposure charge).
    I happen to LIKE how I look in some nice pants, a "dress" shirt (sleeves rolled up), a vest and a cap (Irish, not ball). I wear those, with a pocket square and always have my walking stick, in case someone's attitude needs adjusting.
    I dress for myself and to look nice for my wife.
    The Wolf cares not about the opinion of sheep.

  30. I'm a new comer to your channel and I must say I enjoy your content. I'm a college student living on his own earning a degree in criminal investigation. As I'm sure you know their is a pretty strict stigma of how law enforcement professionals should dress. Patrol officers are moving towards more tactical gear in the form of Blackhawk and 5.11- while detectives and Administrative staff are still dressing in a more traditionally dapper fashion. Being "poor" (using the term loosely here as not to offend anyone) could you make a video teaching us; the younger generation; how to dress up for events, interviews and such on a budget. I.E. maybe a new series geared towards the topic discussing what brands to buy, how each item should fit, how to wear them, what may be seen as too little or too much. Even maybe what to look for and avoid at thrift shops? Also I love the Sthurling watch you showcased in your EDC video. I've a mechanical skelatonized watch very similar too it.

  31. Sven, could you clarify rules regarding shoe colours? For example, things like "no brown in town after dark" and so forth…

  32. I get you 100% when I was in highschool I always wore a suit to the after school functions such as dances. At the homecoming dance i was the only one in a suit or even wearing a tie and I was completely fine with that, after all nothing suits me like a suit.

  33. I'd also suggest being aware of the intent, when friends of mine suddenly decided to show up dressed above the baseline for my environment, it's natural to ask why they've decided to do so.

    Maybe they've taken up style as an interest but once my classmate literally wore a suit because everything else was in the laundry

  34. A little late to the discussion I guess but I think the most important topic that you talked about (but not enough imo) was context. If youre afraid of spilling ketchup on your nice dress shirt at that cookout that's a hint that maybe the shirt is too formal for the occasion. Not to say you would be happy to spill something on any shirt but I used to hate t shirts and haven't owned one for 3 years. This summer I decided to buy two nice Breton tee's and its great I throw them on with a fun pattern shorts and sneakers when im going to a bbq or cookout, or to play frisbee in the park. I love the sartorial arts, and im a 20 yo college student, started my journey with the sartorial world 2 years ago and personally have gotten past the phase of "Always wear a suit or dress shirt" as I see it. Now, personally in the classroom at the library or going out to eat I totally embrace the ivy style I totally love it. Yet as im writing this in mid July I think it is worthwhile to especially in summer really relax your style. Dressing up is fun but even more fun when you see clothes as a tool, slacks and a pair of black oxfords can not do the same job as sneakers and shorts, if you're thinking more about not ruining your clothes more than having fun with what you're doing thats a signal that you should maybe take the formality level down a notch but thats just my two cents.

  35. I wear an all black three piece suite with a white dress shirt. I wear my silver pocket watch with the chain on display on my vest, and a blue/silver crosshatched neck tie. Excuse my terminology 😉 I get compliments all the time from some of the older ladies saying how nice it is to see a young man so well dressed. Myself and one or two others are typically the only ones who dress up for Church.

  36. I live in the Olympia area here in Washington State. To say people are casual around here is an understatement. I went out in jeans, western style boots, a casual button down plaid shirt; all topped off with my Stetson summer straw cattleman’s crease hat. I looked totally dressed up by comparison to most people around me. I’m not sharing this out of some kind of need to feed the ego, but merely to point out that regional differences can really determine what dressing up is in terms of degree. Regardless. I like my style and I’ll continue to go with it.

  37. It gets uncomfortable when I’m dressed better than my higher ups but I like dressing up on random days.

  38. I am blown away that you live in the great state of Minnesota. I would guess the Twin Cities metro area as I do, here are a multitude of fashion enthusiasts and I love the connection and comradeship that I often experience. I hope to meet you in the future.

  39. The boutonniere is a nice touch! Where can I find them and incorporate them into my wardrobe. Everywhere I look (ebay..) they appear artifical. I want something that looks as "real" as possible.
    Thank you

  40. I've always had with the "Do you think you're better then us" question even when I wore Tripp pants and graphic tees just because I kept my clothes nice looking.

  41. Happens to me ALL the time!

    The youth culture style shifts that occurred during the fifties and sixties has taken me from a boy who longed to dress like a man to a man who dresses while surrounded by a world of men who dress like boys.

    Outwardly, I ignore the contrast. Inwardly, I find it mildly annoying.

    Compounding the issue is that I’m Black in America and it’s very often obvious to me that the comments and looks I receive from Whites is largely based on their inaccurate perceptions regarding Blacks’ relationship to poverty. Meaning that they relate to me in three, almost totally inappropriate ways —

    1 – I’m regarded as a show-off.
    People who’ve never owned a blazer or tie their entire lives — Whites in particular — pretend they believe that only the wealthy and dandies dress up. It doesn’t take much to see that they do this as a means to disguise their own lack of education, lack of taste and limited life experience. They dress just as they have since they were teenagers or in as close to Blue Collar as they can maintain.

    2- I’m regarded as a minor celebrity.
    If they assume I’m essential poor (not too far from true) they believe that I must be a jazz musician or a criminal. A distortion that, for me, has pros and cons.

    3- They strive to present themselves as especially intelligent, politically progressive or "hip!"
    In an effort to build a mild level of friendship they express amazement with my vocabulary, kinship with what they regard as my international cultural or pop-culture awareness, they often go out of their ways to discuss subjects they know little of. Often interjecting incorrect information or disrupting a discussion with perspectives they believe will present them as having some particular awareness of a subject … and failing miserably. It’s uncomfortable to watch them become uncomfortable when their mistaken perspectives are gently presented as such.

    4- Exaggerated level of attraction based on the thinnest of first impressions.
    Women often go out of their ways to either push themselves on me or merely cultivate an impression among their friends that we share something beyond a casual affiliation.

    ALL OF THIS BASED SOLELY ON THE WAY I DRESS.

    For me, the results usually range somewhere along wryly amusing, bothersome or even threatening.

    What they all seem to ignore — if they even ask — is my explanation that I’m merely a guy who likes to dress up. That, having been raised to do so as well as at a time when it was more common for people to dress up regularly, I’m most comfortable when I’m dressed despite the cultural changes that have taken place over the years.

    Where I live of late, the general population is so limited in general scope that I often jest "If you put a hat on your head around here everybody assumes you’re a king!"

    One of the more amusing regular occurrences has been men wearing hats when they see me saying "Nice hat!"
    It seems that, for them, a hat alone is indication of superior taste and character.

    ON THE BRIGHT SIDE …

    Since moving to the area I live now my presence has had a couple of recognizable positive results:
    1- Young women are becoming less and less attracted to loutish young men and treating themselves better;
    2- Some of the men are incrementally stepping up their own sense of style. Some classic, some bold. It’s happening slowly, but it’s happening. All of it good by me!

  42. I couldn’t quit laughing when Sven actually said the title of Mark Manson’s book. Perhaps I’m not quite ready to be a gentleman. Yet.

  43. We need to stop using the phrase “dressing up”. I wear a coat and tie every day because it’s what I choose to wear; I use it to show respect, confidence, and maturity. The term “dressing up” belittles this and sounds sophomoric.

  44. I can sympathize with Amir (mentioned in this video) and any other man that wants to separate himself from the "slobs" around him. Where I live and work in California most men wear the minimum of clothing, let alone items with any degree of style. Be yourself, and express yourself as a gentleman to whatever extent that you feel is right for you. You are bound to get some reactions to your style change and your desire to be more refined, but some of that amounts to a passive type of "schoolyard bullying", and many times only represents a form of envy. Any negative reaction your change in style will minimize itself, and you might notice that you have made a change in some other men around you that begin to suddenly have more of a "plan". There is nothing wrong with being comfortable in your attire, but most of all be comfortable with yourself. Dress your age and enjoy it, whatever age it might be, and do it with your own personal flair. You know who you are.

  45. I am routinely the best-dressed person in my office. Just the other day, a friendly coworker asked that the occasion was. I replied, “no special reason.” And that was the end of it. I know that some people think I am doing it to show off or to appear better than they are. But it’s not like that at all. It makes me feel good be to be well-dressed, and people unconsciously treat me differently. With more respect, etc. It took a long time, but I got over caring about what others think. They are entitled to their own opinions but so am I!

  46. I've actually used the, "because it's thursday," one, but I usually switch it up a little. For instance, "Because the sun is shining," or, "because the weather was so nice," and of course the classic, "Because it's friday."

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