Meanwhile… Chickens Can Dress Up For Halloween

Meanwhile… Chickens Can Dress Up For Halloween


YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO FOCUS ON SO
MANY BIG NEWS STORIES EVERY DAY, SOMETIMES I MISS THE LITTLE. STORIES THAT FLASH AT THE VERY
EDGE OF MY VISION AND MAY OR MAY NOT BE SIGNS OF EARLY-ONSET
GLAUCOMA. SO I CATCH UP WITH THOSE
STORIES EVERY TUESDAY IN MY SEGMENT “MEANWHILE.”>>MEANWHILE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).>>Stephen: IF IT’S TUESDAY IT
MUST BE “MEANWHILE.” MEANWHILE, THE INTERNATIONAL
GYMNASTICS FEDERATION HAS BANNED CAT MAKEUP! YES, NO MORE CAT MAKEUP. OR AS IT’S KNOWN IN GYMNASTICS,
“FACE DOPING.” THE BAN WAS TRIGGERED AFTER A
DUTCH GYMNAST TOOK TO THE MAT LOOKING LIKE THIS. YEAH, SHE REALLY GOT INTO IT. IN FACT, FOR THE FINALE OF HER
ROUTINE, SHE CAUGHT AND ATE A MOUSE. ( LAUGHTER )
SO, NOW IT’S OFFICIAL. “FACE PAINTING IS NOT ALLOWED,
AND ANY MAKEUP MUST BE MODEST AND NOT PORTRAY A THEATRICAL
CHARACTER, ANIMAL OR HUMAN.” THANKFULLY, I AM STILL ALLOWED
TO WEAR FACE PAINT WHILE WATCHING THE GYMNASTICS.>>Jon: I LIKE THAT LOOK. IT’S A GOOD LOOK. MEANWHILE, IT TURNS OUT LIVING
IN ANTARCTICA ISN’T AS GREAT AS YOU’D THINK. NOW, I’M GOING TO SAY RIGHT UP
SAFE, BUT IT’S JUST BEEN REPORTED THAT “AN ANTARCTIC
SCIENTIST STABBED HIS COLLEAGUE AT A REMOTE RESEARCH STATION
“BECAUSE HE KEPT TELLING HIM THE ENDINGS OF BOOKS.” ( LAUGHTER )
YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I MIGHT BE ON THE SIDE
OF THE STABBER. ( LAUGHTER )
(AS STABBER): “OH, YOU WANT TO SPOIL THE
ENDING OF MY BOOK? I’LL SPOIL AN ENDING FOR YOU. YOURS!”
THEY SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING. I MEAN, HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING
FROM THE MOVIE “THE THING”? IT SHOWED THE HORRIFIC EFFECTS
OF COOPING UP BORED BOOK LOVERS IN AN ANTARCTIC RESEARCH
STATION.>>DUMBLEDORE DIES! ( LAUGHTER ).>>>Stephen: MEANWHILE, IF
MARIJUANA ISN’T LEGAL IN YOUR STATE, DON’T WORRY, FOLKS,
BECAUSE RESEARCHERS HAVE JUST DISCOVERED THAT YOU CAN ALSO GET
HIGH FROM A MOSS-LIKE PLANT THAT’S EVEN BETTER AT RELIEVING
PAIN THAN CANNABIS. THIS MAJOR SCIENTIFIC
BREAKTHROUGH WAS MADE BY DR. DAVE “SPIDER” WIGGINS, IN
HIS LANDMARK STUDY: “IF YOU GIVE ME FIVE BUCKS, I’LL SMOKE THIS
MOSS.” ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, A COUPLE WHO SET SAIL ON A CARNIVAL CRUISE SHIP SAYS
THEY FOUND A HIDDEN CAMERA POINTING AT THEIR BED WHILE
ABOARD THE CARNIVAL SHIP “FANTASY.” HEY, CARNIVAL NEVER SPECIFIED
WHOSE FANTASY. ( LAUGHTER )
IF THIS BOAT’S A-ROCKIN’ IT’S BECAUSE WE’RE AT SEA. ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, HALLOWEEN JUST GOT A LOT CUTER, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO
THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION, “YES, YOU CAN
DRESS UP YOUR CHICKEN FOR HALLOWEEN.” SEE! I TOLD YOU SO, HONEY! APPARENTLY, VARIOUS “NEWS
REPORTS HAD PREVIOUSLY CITED FALSE ARTICLES ABOUT A C.D.C. WARNING AGAINST DRESSING UP
CHICKENS DUE TO THE POTENTIAL SPREAD OF SALMONELLA, LEADING
THE C.D.C. TO ISSUE A PRESS RELEASE:
“ERRONEOUS MEDIA REPORTS ABOUT CHICKENS AND HALLOWEEN
COSTUMES.” NICE TO SEE THE C.D.C. IS
TACKLING THE BIG ISSUES. ( LAUGHTER )
DID YOU SEE EBOLA’S BACK IN THE DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO? NO? THAT’S COOL. JUST KEEP MONITORING THE CHICKEN
COSTUME SITUATION. BUT NOW THAT THE C.D.C. HAS
GIVEN US THE SIGN-OFF, I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING
CHICKENS IN ALL MY FAVORITE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES TOMORROW,
INCLUDING, “THE INCREDIBLE YOLK.” “CLUCK NORRIS.” AND, OF COURSE,
“ROOST BADER-GINS-BIRD.” WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK

100 Replies to “Meanwhile… Chickens Can Dress Up For Halloween”

  1. When I was sick and delusional the Lord God brought the nation down in delusions with me. My name means judgement. I am free. My enemies though they may recover need salvation from their blasepmemy and sins. If the devil is on your side your in trouble.

  2. All you people posting things about Batman and the joker clowns and terrorists are sick in the head. Delusional.

  3. The Lord God delivered me. But without the Lord you will not be able to retrain your mind and your memories will keep you delusional.

  4. How about my iguana? Can he dress up for Halloween? He wants to dress up like a gecko and tell people they can save money on their car insurance.

  5. To all of you ethical vegetarians, almost every hen used for eggs their male counterpart is suffocated or crushed alive.

  6. What idiot/brave soul tries to stuff a chicken into a costume?

    My dog was cat-sized and it was enough of a struggle to put her little winter coat on every autumn (we tried booties once too. Once.)

    I can't imagine wrestling one of those devil birds with razor-blade feet into anything, let alone a costume.

  7. Goddammit! My little brother told me D. Dies before I was done reading it. I’ve yet to forgive him…😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

  8. Everyone in gymnastics should now wear face paint in an elaborate protest of defiance. Freedom is taken from individuals, not from people. People have to stand by and just allow their freedoms to be taken away.

    Antarctica used to be a warm and green place millions of years ago. Through global warming, Chump is now trying to Make Antarctica Green Again.

  9. i had a friend that i went to school with that smoked peet moss,he had a 50lbs bag in his closet .he also bonged a dead dry fly from the window ledge.now he is retired from the military,thank god.sent that true story, nick name rover.

  10. So…. the 89 people who disliked this video probably lack a sense of humor, or are too stupid to understand Stephens awesomeness?

  11. Meanwhile the CDC have no fucking idea what's causing that mystery paralysis illness affecting children in the country

  12. Sorry to burst your bubble but that moss will relieve pain but NOT make you high. At least not unless you smoke a huge amount of it…and at that point the pain relief will have sedated you beyond consciousness ^^

  13. An Antarctic scientist stabbed his colleague on a remote research station because he kept telling him the endings of books.

    I don’t know what jurisdiction Antarctica is under, but I know no jury in the world would convict that scientist.

  14. This guy is a white male. If he’s not on his knees whipping himself for his contribution to the systemic oppression he fallocentrically participates in, his jokes are simply oppressive and a mask for the perpetuation of low-balled alimonies and white supremacist misogyny. Must problematize him because we love people

  15. A sad thing to add. Normally CDC scientists are among the leaders of the teams working to stop outbreaks, like the ebola outbreak in the Congo. But between budget cuts and executive orders the US has little or no presence in the fight to stop this latest ebola outbreak.

  16. The commercial for Glasses USA. The real reason for glasses being so expensive is a company with a monopoly on the industry. This company is called Luxotica. Meanwhile, The Late Show is always funny and informative.

  17. … meanwhile on Mars the US spaceforce has discovered vast quantities of Chinese fortune cookies predicting a Bluewave next Tuesday

  18. it was a russian engineer that stabbed another russian…it is liverwort moss…not just any old moss…be cautious…and roost bader you rock…

  19. @#realiznFamilyToldme2voteRwerANGRY yrs ago! #WantObamaCaredBackMyDamself but just cause I like being Alive so idea here let's change the name to IvankaCare the #®ePUBLIConsRfightingtheWOKEVOTE

  20. 叔叔,若有仼何金字塔瑪亜文明的问题,可㩦法王和老佛爷入臺請示請教母娘和女媧娘以及关大哥和李靖杨戟或玄天上帝和如佛薬佛布袋佛祖和張天门師派,对了,还有济公仙師以及賭神众,,,?。
    所以神佛天使多之处,怎会是邪教,会不会弄错己皃样,怎都雕刻樊薛趙胍,,,?,己无祖皇尼?,朝祈又乱搞,,,?,会不会是樊趙杨李欲弑己親脈,,,?,哪諟前来講丫,童必助文革入聯合期,,,?。

  21. What I would do if I was in dragon Ball z about the stabbing thing
    Me: kamaomahaaaaaaaa
    The colleague: that's the dragon Ball z rinh*dies

  22. Is it just because I'm high or was anyone else thinking Steven was talking about cats wearing makeup for a second in the first part?

  23. Hey, Branch of Cain! Come inside for a while. I need "help" cleaning my gun…I've got chicken and ham…

  24. they'll add rules about makeup to gymnastics, but long distance runners aren't DQ'd for loosing controll of their bowels before crossing the finish line.

  25. uh… out of uh… curiosity uhmm you know for no real reason could uh… someone tell me the name of the moss, just no reason

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *